if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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