i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
im on a boat
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