Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize