forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
