life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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