so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sober January is a disaster.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
