There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
