so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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