i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
