I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
