"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
