I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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