her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
