take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
