yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
