well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We're too hungover to prance.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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