Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize