You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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