Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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