accomplished twins. life is a go
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
