Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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