My sheets look like a crime scene.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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