Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Randomize
