I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
