your parents love me but you hate me
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
