we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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