Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
