I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Drake has all the answers
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
