like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
