He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
