I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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