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i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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