she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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