On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
