Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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