Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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