i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My orgasm happened in two different decades
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
