i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
