alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I understand Curling. That high.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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