Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
