Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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