2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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