girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
