one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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