im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
