they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
