I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My vagina is officially offended.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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