We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
