I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the condom got lost in my hair
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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