So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I had to cum in my sink.
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