we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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