I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize