1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
