i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
