sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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