absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
