If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
