I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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