I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
