When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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