I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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