Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You need a sexual gate keeper
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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