so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
