why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
