Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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