Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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