i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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