Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
