he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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