I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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