my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
