Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
