fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
