It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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