Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
