She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
