You're my little dorito
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
