Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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