well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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