so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
