I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
