Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize