That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize