so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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