Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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