Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
