I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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