Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
