Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
did i walk over a car last night?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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