bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
