WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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