You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize