she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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