He felt like a one man threesome
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize